A page out of a diary

The following excerpt is taken from an early writing of mine. Written in my Post-graduate/pre-employment days... hope you enjoy

have fun
hammad



Sub kuch sunne, parhne aur sochne ke baad maine REPLY ALL ka button dabaya. Yeh soch kar ke shayad man iss zindagi mein apne liye, apne doston ke liye ya phir apne mulk ke liye kuch kar sakoon… i don’t know if I will be making sense abhi coz I think I am not thinking logically.

Kuch der pehle I was thinking WHY

Why did I end up in Karachi of all the places…? I could have gone to Lahore jaahan pe mera poora khaandan meri achi khaasi khatir daari karta… Just like my home… I was living the PERFECT LIFE in Dubai with my parents, my family, my home… acha chalo wahan education mujhe cater nahin kar raha thha so I gave a shot in NCA Lahore... WHY didn’t I end up there... ok yeah if I didn’t get an admission there I would have certainly gone back to Dubai and do something…

lekin un dinno Karachi mein mere khaloo ka inteqaal hua, and since I was in the country after a very long time I thought I would visit my Khala and share condolences and represent my family… wahan pe meri cousin bhi thhiin.. my khala’s daughter, she lived in Seacliff Apartments… right next to an Art institute I never heard of.

Art… an expression by which people have expressed themselves through the ages… Art… a subject I wanted to explore… an area of interest I would have probably excelled in… something to do with my career, my life…

WHY DID I COME HERE?

I gave it a shot… I enrolled in the university… new place… new city… new people… Pakistanis… in such a mass… never seen them in such numbers…

Who are these Pakistanis who live in Pakistan? I know the ones who live abroad… Who are these very nice, extremely welcoming bunch of individuals in my class…? Is anyone from Dubai? Has anyone been there? Its an amazing place! I’m sure you’ll love it!

AHA! Hi… my name is Hammad.. and you are..? Nida? (hmm new name, nice too) So you are from Dubai? That’s great! ME too!! (let’s be friends).

Chalo koi na koi to hai apne sheher ka… some cushion. Lekin WHY? Why Karachi? Oh, so you are from Islamabad? Right right… and you? Lahore? My father’s from Lahore too! (doesn’t that make me a Lahori? I don’t know I never lived in Lahore) Punjabi? Haan I know how to speak Punjabi (yeah right!) HI! You are? (what did she say? Urdu Speaking? I speak Urdu too… very fluently I guess) Muhajir? (what the hell is that?) Damn! I was better of in Dubai… at least I was a Pakistani there! Jaisa bhi thha... I wore shalwar kameez on Eid, I ate Aalo Keema and Chicken Biryaani (they are Pakistani Dishes right?), I spoke in URDU my whole life… so what I never lived in Pakistan that long… so what I was never aware of who the presidents of Pakistan were in the past 45 – 50 years (how old is Pakistan again?), so what If I didn’t go to Pakistan on Basant, aur meet my relatives on EID there, I can proudly call my self a PAKISTANI… can I?

PTV? No I don’t watch that… its crappy television… same old female singing on a disco light stage not even moving an inch… same old tractor being compared to a cow… and the same host going “PAKISTAN ZINDABAAD” and screaming “ELECTRAAAAAAAAAA” at the top of his voice wearing shalwar kameez and starting his show in a deep tone “Saare pakistanion bhaiiyon aur bhenon ko Tariq Aziz ka salam” That’s PTV…

Chaar saal… four years… four years of education… four years of grooming… four years of GREAT friends and four years, the best rollercoaster ride of my life!

I lived each and everyday of my life in the last four years to the fullest. I can say that coz there was no one to stop me to do what I wanted to do… I saw ups and downs… I made friends… I lost some… I cried my heart out, I laughed as if no one was watching… I missed some of the best moments, I gained the best advice… ufff… chaar saal… four years of Indus!

WHY… maybe because Allah wanted me to learn all that here, alone, amidst strangers… He wanted me to meet you guys. He wanted me to know my country better. Pakistan wasn’t a stranger to me… I was a stranger to Pakistan.
(I never celebrated 14th August before)

then… I was HOME… I was in my Land… Paki land! See I told you… I am a Pakistani…
Have I learnt everything I want to know..? have I changed? Have I groomed? Do I make sense?

I don’t know why I had to write all that but I think It could help me in writing something what I will write soon… eventually. I don’t know why I mentioned PTV and my experiences before Indus… but it got me to a conclusion…

Kuch din pehle main Umair se baat kar raha thha… that you start to feel for the place you get hold of… all those who came from abroad to study in Karachi (Tariq, Zuberi, Sehrish, Khurshid…) went back to where they came from.. went home… WHY didn’t I go? I could have EASILY finished my studies, graduate and go… but I feel for this place as my home now. I made a decision… I took an initiative. It’s not because I am a boy… I should be strong... live away from my family as long as I can… forget that! YAAR I MISS MY FAMILY BHAII!!!
And trust me… its not ADCOM that’s stopping me. Jahan tak education ka sawaal thha… I did it. I graduted.

It’s u guys… it is too hard for me tell you all how great it has been to live with you people, my friends… my family… you people made me feel like home when I was away from mine. I have never... ever met such different such creative such great people in my life before… I had friends before but no one treated me like someone you would really care for. Here I actually had friends who guided me. Who turned on the torch when my light bulb fused! Who inspired me to excel in my work. Who taught me the weirdest facts about life.

I couldn’t have learned all these in the comfort of my home in Dubai. You know why? Because YOU GUYS WERENT THERE.

WHY? Because I had to meet you, to know you, to learn from you

Why? Because I had to…


Why? Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thhi


No I’m not kidding… think seriously... it all comes back a full circle... it’s life… its just a pathetic example and it has no point but… think about it…

Sunday, January 27th 2008

Finally...

i do not plan to create history by writing blogs. neither do i want to show off my writing skills... (i wished i had some).. this blog is dedicated to Sharjeel - friend, teacher, brother - who encouraged me to write "something" i thought why not write a blog... it will stay in cyberspace forever... won't it?

So let's start by a brief introduction of YOURS SINCERELY, the Blogger - No this is not for you to know, i'm just brushing up, warming up whatever you do before doing the main thing - name's Hammad.. widely known as Hammie; technically known as "hmdqdrshk". I am a 25 yr old, Pakistani. But reside in the United Arab Emirates, since when? ummm 20something years.. to be approx. but for the last 6 years i was in Karachi.. City of Lights, as they say - "jahan hamesha ghanton light gayi hui hoti hai" - sorry if you didn't understand that its what you will generally see here in this blog that i will transliterate Urdu/Hindi often for fellow readers...

I do not belong to Karachi, i am actually from Lahore. lets say there is a little bit of every Pakistani in me? Karachi has been a great chapter in my life - University, First Job, First love? (sigh).. and now I'm BACK! I WILL SURVIVE! sorry, i ummm got carried away there...

My profession defines me as an Art Director - yes i do not know jack about Finance! (no offense) - i consider myself to be a film lover, listen to all kinds of music, explore a lot in a little...

that's the briefest i could get... rest you can know me once i get my hands on this BLOG... what is a BLOG anyway? where did it comes from... when was the first ever BLOG written? is it a HE or a SHE? time will tell..

have fun
hammad